When you like someone do you really like them or the idea of them? This a question you must ask yourself and find the answer to, especially if you want to pursue a relationship with someone. I find there are two large types of people those who search for love, yearn for it need it or the idea of it. Then they rush into relationships, get clingy, get crazy and ultimately end up hurt or hurting the person they were so "in love with" I call them the "Love Lookers".
The Next type of people I come across are people who have been hurt in relationships whether its from mental/physical abuse, getting their hopes up, not being able to change a person, being cheated on etc. These People are the "Turtle Shells" These people do what is natural. They put up a guard/ a defense mechanism. I mean that's nature, when someone is hurt or wants to prevent from getting hurt they put up a guard. I actually relate it to my Muay thai/ Jiu-Jitsui training. I Block (to the best of my ability) all kicks and punches thrown at me or try to avoid them (more on this later) because I don't want to get hurt. In BJJ you actually put your opponent in something called a guard so that they can not get side control or back control of you or a full mount etc. In relationships we block other people because we don't trust them, our past relationships have made us weary of trusting someone trying to get close to us. We are constantly thinking what does this person really want from me? What is their objective? Sometimes we remove ourselves from the situation entirely, we can literally really like a person but not want to risk putting ourselves in emotional danger so we flee or go into our "turtle shell" This shell is different for some people. Some people have a shell of meanness, some a shell of lies, some a shell of "I'll hurt the other person before they hurt me", and Some a shell of "I'll talk to so many individuals that even if one hurts me I'll have more people to fall back on."
So now that we have discussed the problems with these two types of People you may be thinking, "Malik what is the solution?" Well the answer to that is simple and confusing all at the same time. There is no clear solution if you are one of these types of people. Why you ask? because all people are different and the person you are interested in is different as well and has a host of their own experiences and issues both positive and negative.
Now you might be thinking, "I know Malik did not just make me read this long book on his blog to not even attempt anything insightful or try to provide a solution." HOLD YOUR HORSES! I got you. While there is no clear cut answer for you I can give you some pointers lets start with the 1st group of people The "Love Lookers" One - these people who are searching for love and think that they need it. I agree with them, everyone needs love but they most important person to get love from is yourself. No one can love you like you can. If you don't appreciate and love yourself you will allow yourself to be treated any type of way or accept sub par treatment and say " we'll yeah this person is treating me unfairly or not meeting my standards but they love me." This is simply not right. This person looking for love has to simply LOVE themselves this is the most important step. Number two search in the right places. If you are looking for a nice person make sure you are looking where nice people reside like church, the library, a volunteer at a children's shelter etc. Look for someone that has similar interest as you a club or extra-curricular activity. Now you will most likely meet crazy people there as well but don't say you want a saint for a mate and go out to Diamonds of Atlanta every weekend looking for he or she, you could get lucky but more likely than not the person of your dreams is not there. Just an illusion of someone you think is good for you. The last tip for the "love lookers" is that you don't NEED to be in a relationship all the time. Work on you focus on your dreams and goals. Enjoy life the right person will come into your life or they may already be there.
The Second type of person...Honestly it is going to take an entirely new post on trust, forgiveness, and patience to tell you what to do but if you liked this post share it with your friends, comment and tell me what you think
Also I know there are a ton of grammatical/spelling errors if anyone would like to proof read my post before I publish them I'm more than willing to let you do that. I would also like to move my blog to another website I don't really like blogger. If you know of an awesome blog website let me know.
-Love Peace and More Love -Pollo Papi
